he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
