meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
