Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
