Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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