Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize