do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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