I'm going to jail i love you
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
