Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
