Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
