Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
