your parents love me but you hate me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My vagina is officially offended.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
