perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
