apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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