I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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