I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
