To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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