i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
