The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
