It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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