bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
