bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
