I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
