My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Randomize
