He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
