shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
