Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
