Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
