OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize