I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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