My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
