Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
