How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
