the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
