That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize