Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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