in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
