it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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