I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
