Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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