do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize