I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
