i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
