I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it hurts more in the daytime
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
