Im at strip club and am horny
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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