I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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