rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize