tell your sister to shave her snatch
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
