I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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