he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
