Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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