You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
