I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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