Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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