No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
