I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
