I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
