if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
the raccoons are back...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize