Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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