I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize