My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
