Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
