that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
