My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
