I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize