You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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