if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
