Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
