you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
