Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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