I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
