Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
4 words: hood of his car
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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