Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
