I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
