I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Small penises have feelings too.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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