is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
