I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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