We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
