we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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