Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
