i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
ttyl tear gas
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
