I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize