i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
