I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i will never coherently bang her
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
