I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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