god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dear god my vagina.
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