I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
