I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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