Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
