i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
