Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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