now i know why i became what i already was.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
