im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize