Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
