I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
