I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
