Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
