Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
